Dear Brittany Kantack,
in response to the message you wrote to me, and then maturely blocked me, here it is for all the world to see. you’re welcome.
Brittany Kantackkatelyn i wasn’t going to get into this because i felt like it wasn’t any of my business. but i think you should know that the reason why your relationship failed wasn’t because of zach having aspergers syndrome. there is nothing wrong with my brother. aspergers is a form of autism & it is a complete insult that you would think my brother is impaired in anyway. my brother is fucking perfect & gave you everything any girl would wish for. you should probably take a look at yourself instead of pointing fingers & placing blame. i am extremely disappointed in how you have treated my family & brother. & that’s putting it nicely. please get some help, you have some extreme issues.
when we called off the wedding, i sat down and really thought about what i wanted. i decided i needed to get my shit together, and I did. I DID. not zach. i tried in the end when it really mattered. he’s the one that gave up. he’s the one that broke up with me. he’s the one that can’t even give a real fuck about you or your mom or your dad. and that’s come straight from his mouth to me, more than one time.
and before you start making assumptions about me, i think you should know that you have no place in doing so. and actually, if you want to act intelligent and tell me that you KNOW things you don’t, why don’t you google asperger’s syndrome and see that it is NOT a form of autism. it’s close to what autism is, but it is not a form of autism. also, your brother is far from perfect. and when you share the love we have and make love to him and deal with him on a level that i did everyday, then you can say whether or not he has something or he doesn’t. i’ve done extensive research on the subject and has hesitantly come to the conclusion that he should get tested for it. he’s the one that even put it in my head. he started saying it long before as a joke.
and just to go ahead and clear somethings up, i have appreciated everything zach has ever done for me. you wouldn’t know. yes, he has given me a whole hell of a lot. but the most important thing he’s left out was real and authentic socializing. i have literally been there for him in ways no one has ever. i know things about him that no one knows. he knows everything there is to know about me. and i am in no way saying i am blameless in this. but when i have a private conversation with the person i love about something very serious that is inhibiting our relationship, you should stay the fuck out, as well as your parents. your parents, whom i’ve loved and appreciated and treated better than my own. it’s really shitty the way i’ve been treated throughout all of this. and that is a fact. no matter how much you feel the need to protect your brother, i have loved all of you guys and have always respected when respect was given, and even beyond that. i could go on, but frankly, i don’t give a fuck about defending myself to you or your parents anymore. what we decide to do is COMPLETELY and TOTALLY up to zach and up to me. and no matter what you think, i have loved that boy as no one ever has. i am the only one that has ever wanted him… and it’s bullshit the way this has unfolded.
__________________________________________________________
And for further knowledge,
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asperger_syndrome
you can read this page and the one under it on the side bar,
http://www.yourlittleprofessor.com/diagnosing.html
and zach took this with me sitting here and scored a 36 on it.
http://www.piepalace.ca/blog/asperger-test-aq-test/
oh, and p.fucking s. i know a little bit about fucking autism because i helped raise my (then) two year old step brother with it.
i’ve even gone so far as to try and open the attic to get our tree down.
it’s august and i fucking want my tree up! no more of this bullshit heat and sweat!
(Source: itsgoneaway)
i have the cutest outfit planned out for today. hope it works out.
it’s a red shirt that i cut and resewed to be like a draped tank top, it is also a crop top. and i’ll be pairing that with a stretchy black pencil skirt and a nude lace bra. to finish that off, i’ll be wearing a tribal necklace and black suede pumps. :)
the truth :
1. had sex
2. bought condoms
3. gotten pregnant
4. failed a class
5. kissed a boy
6. kissed a girl
7. used a little paper bag for lunch
8. had a job
8. slipped on ice
9. missed the school bus
11. left the house without my wallet/purse
12. bullied someone on the internet
13. sexted
14. had sex in public
15. played on a sports team
16. smoked weed
17. smoked cigarettes
18. smoked a cigar
19. drank alcohol
20. watched “The Breakfast Club”
21. been overweight
22. been underweight
23. had an eating disorder
24. been to a wedding
25. made fun of someone for being fat
26. been on the computer for 5 hours straight
27. watched tv for 5 hours straight
28. been late for work
29. been late for school
30. kissed someone in the rain
31. showered with someone else
32. failed my drivers test
33. ran a mile in less than 10 minutes
34. been outside my home country
35. been on a road trip longer than 5 hours
36. gotten my heart broken
37. had a credit card
38. been to a professional sports game
39. broken a bone
40. been unhappy about my weight
41. won a trophy
43. had an STD
44. got engaged
45. been on a diet
46. tried out to be on a tv show
47. rode in a taxi
48. been to prom
49. played in a drinking game
50. stayed up for 24 hours or more
51. been to a concert
52. had a three-some
53. had a crush on someone of the same sex
54. been in a car accident
55. had braces
56. learned another language
57. killed a bug
58. been at a yard sale
59. been to a japanese steakhouse
60. wore make up
61. talked to someone via webcam
62. lost my virginity before I was 16
63. had my wisdom teeth taken out
64. kissed someone a different race than myself
65. snuck out of the house
66. bought porn
67. had a virus on my computer
68. had oral sex
69. dyed my hair
70. gone skinny dipping
71. graduated from college
72. wore someone else’s clothes
73. voted in a presidential election
74. rode in an ambulance
75. rode in a helicopter
76. caught the stove on fire
77. got in a verbal fight
78. been on vacation
79. been on an airplane
80. been on a boat
81. had surgery.
82. kissed someone before I was 14.
83. beat a video game
84. found something valuable on the ground
85. made a survey
86. stalked someone on facebook/myspace
87. prank called someone
88. been to a library outside of school
89. spent over $100 shopping in one day
90. cut my hair and hated it
91. peed outside
92. went fishing
93. helped with charity
94. taken a pregnancy test.
95. been rejected by a crush
96. been suspended from school
97. broken a mirror
98. faked sick from school
99. owned/own a pet
100. been to six flags
love this
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what i want
I want a lot of things, on the general level… like a maid, to be rich, and to do whatever I want. But, what I really long for is, of course, something deeper. It’s something that you crave, something that you yearn for… Something big.
I want to read more. I want to expand my knowledge and become a faster reader. But I also want to know more stories, and see what other people dream up. I want to read things that people spend a lot of time writing. Because when I read, I don’t think of just the stories that I’m reading. I think of what the author went through; how they created the characters and decided what the story would entail, and, most importantly, how the end should go. I want to fall into something completely different than what I’m experiencing. I want to feel more than what I see around me.
I want a job that I absolutely love. I want to spend those eight hours every day at a place that I adore. I want to love what I do, and do something that matters. I want something that really fits me. Something that I’m good at. I want to work somewhere that isn’t hypocritical, somewhere that isn’t double standardized, and somewhere that I can be myself. I want to be someone who makes a difference in someone’s life.
I want to marry Zach. I want to be his wife, and him to be my husband. I want our life together to be magical. And I expect to be between a rock and a hard place more than we’d like to find ourselves. But, I want to wake up to him, and go to sleep thinking about him every day and night. I want to know that if I need someone to talk to, I know I could go to him. I want to have memories that make me smile, where Zach is making me laugh, or smile, or cry with happiness. I want to grow old with him, because I can’t fathom living any longer without him. I want to have a family with him and love, love, love.
I want a child. I want a baby to hold and love and take care of. I want someone to put meaning to my life. I want to dress it up and feed it and sustain an actual life. But, more than that, I want to help shape a human life. I want to raise a child to be like what I believe people should be like. I want to watch a person grow, and learn, and make mistakes, and develop. I want to know that I made a difference in the world by creating, shaping, and ultimately releasing that person into the world. I want to feel the joy of creating a real person, and know the love and bond of that relationship. I want to think of my child and smile more than I do now by just thinking of what it could be like. I want to love something as deep as I do Zach. I want to know what it’s like to bond with Zach because we made, created, developed someone that will change our lives, our world, our hearts.
I don’t want a lot in terms of money or jewelry… But, the things I do want, they mean so much to me. And if those things are the only things I ever have, I’ll die happily…. and hopefully very old.
